One of the things I do, first, though, is help people understand what they really want.  Sure, going from having actual intercourse from once every two months to once a week would be nice.  But is it simply the mechanics that you want back in your life?  Most people say ”No.”  Most folk want eroticism, passion, connection, and romance.  Oral sex would be nice…but adding the full experience of expressing your sexuality and desire makes it much more satisfying.

Getting two (or more) people who’ve experienced persistent rejection from each other to explore what they want and how they want it can be a challenge.  You’ve got to take risks – risking talking about old, painful issues.  Risking the revelation of hidden desires.  Risking the possibility that going through this exercize, being vulnerable, might not be successful.

These discussions can often be difficult to do on your own.  It’s my experience that a therapist who’s comfortable talking about sexuality non-judgementally can be a very useful.  Most folk find themselves talking in circles or revisiting the same issues – making little progress.  But many people find working with a therapist worth it.  Sexual satisfaction is important to many people…rightly so.  And many times, improving your sex life goes hand in hand with improving your emotional connection.

If you’re looking for a therapist or counselor in Dupont Circle, Washington, DC, feel free to contact me, Mike Giordano, at 202-460-6384 or Mike.Giordano.MSW@gmail.com.

Why? Because I think we can too easily tell ourselves – from the logical point of view – that since we shouldn’t be feeling this was, that we will simply stop feeling this way.  We work hard at this.  “There’s no good reason I should be feeling this.”  And yet we find that we continue to do so, once again reprimading ourselves for the feeling and failing at stopping it.

I often times cheer on the emotional brain.  I think the payoff is better.  Logic has it’s place.  Maybe our emotional reactions seem out of place given the circumstances.  But our feelings are here for a reason.  The reason might be in the past – triggered by a current situation.  But by avoiding them or reprimanding ourselves for having them, we don’t get very far.

My suggestion follows this path: First, we can notice our feelings. Next, we can analyze them if we choose – especially if we haven’t done this before.  After that, I think it’s time to take care of ourselves.  This might be experiencing the pain or sadness.  It might mean talking with a friend or therapist. Or it might me telling ourselves that we’re going to be ok…That it’s ok to be sad or afraid…That it will pass.  There are many options.  But allowing the emotional brain to win the fight from time to time will, in my experience, have better results.

If you’re looking for a therapist or counselor in Dupont Circle, Washington, DC, feel free to contact Mike Giordano at 202-460-6384 or at Mike.Giordano.MSW@gmail.com.

I’ve heard that phrase so many times as a therapist.  I’ve probably said it myself when I’m not in therapist-mode as well.  What exactly are we speaking of when we say “Feeling this way”?  Most folk usually mean feeling sad, angry, rageful, disappointed, frustrated, lonely.

No one wants to feel these emotions or feelings.  There’s nothing enjoyable about them.  It’s much more pleasant to experience happiness, joy, fun, lightheartedness, and contentedness.

However, as a therapist, I actually encourage folk to experience all of their emotions.  I hear people say that they fear that they’ll “fall apart”, “lose control”, or be “devastated.”  In some ways this is a possibility.  However, it’s interesting that most of us don’t mind losing control in our happiness or joy.  That’s a great experience.

I believe that difficult emotions don’t – on their own – need to be feared.  They are simply part of being human.  We are wired to feel all of our feelings.  It’s when we work to not feel them that we experience real pain; sometimes in the form of self-hatred, suicidal thoughts, depression, or addictions.

As a therapist, I help my clients accept and experience all of their emotions…in a safe, nonjudgemental way. It’s possible to feel the full range of human emotion and not simply survive it, but feel even better overall.  These emotions might feel overwhelming at the time, but all emotions, even the pleasant ones, eventually pass.

If you’re looking for a therapist or counselor in Dupont Circle, Washington, DC, feel free to contact Mike Giordano at 202-460-6384 or Mike.Giordano.MSW@gmail.com.

I’ve seen many folk – men and women – who, among other reasons, work with me to make sense of pieces of themselves that seem immoral. Whether it’s folk who’ve realized that they are transgender, bisexual, lesbian, or gay or others trying to accept their interest in polyamory or BDSM and other kinks – these folk struggle to continue to see themselves as good, moral people.

Sometimes their struggle is one rooted in religion. Other times it’s one rooted in family, friends, and culture. In any case, the struggle to see one’s true self as good, moral, and correct is the struggle to come to terms with shame. I believe that gender, sexuality and desire is an inherent part of ourselves. How it came to be, while an intriguing and unsolved question, is irrelevant. Most people’s gender or sexual desires “just are”. They can’t be changed by willpower or therapy.

Once most folk can accept that this is who they are, they can move from shame to acceptance – from seeing themselves as immoral to moral. They are then able to see that their gender identity, sexual orientation, patterns of love, or sexual desires have nothing to do with morality. They just “are”. Without question or right or wrong. Or what is “morally straight.”

If you are looking for a therapist or counselor in Dupont Circle, Washington, DC, feel free to contact Mike Giordano, LICSW at 202-460-6384 or Mike.Giordano.MSW@gmail.com

When most of us experience a difficult, painful emotion, we want it to go away.  We may run from it, distract ourselves, have a drink, or watch TV.  Alternately, we may anlayze it, trying to understand why we feel that way – attempting to eliminate the feeling, figure it out, or control it.  All of these efforts, while intending to decrease the emotion, can actually increase the amount of emotional pain we experience.

There is research that suggests that simply noticing and observing our anger, sadness, shame or fear can actually decrease the amount of pain we experience.  The idea is that you feel the emotion, paying attention to how it feels in your body.  Simply allow it to be present without justifying or explaining it.  You can then FEEL it and RIDE it out.

I’ve certainly experienced this myself.  I remember one time while doing dishes, I was overcome with sadness. A lot was going on in my life then.  I took a moment and allowed the emotion to be present.  I then had a big, emotional cry.  A sitting-on-the-kitchen-floor cry that is.  And after awhile, I felt a lot better.  Instead of pushing it down – and risking being cranky with anyone who came into my path – I felt the emotion, rode the wave (which was quite large), and came out for the better when it hit the shoreline.

You’re probably thinking, “Why would I want to do that?”  Once again, by learning to experience our emotions, we can actually limit the amount of pain we experience.  This kind of surfing might not be as much fun as riding the waves at the beach, but it also has some true benefits.  It might be worth your time to practice riding the wave of emotion.

If you’re looking for a therapist or counselor in Dupont Circle, Washington, DC feel free to contact Mike Giordano, LICSW at 202-460-6384 or Mike.Giordano.MSW@gmail.com.

If you’re one of the typical folk who is uncomfortable exploring your sexuality or discussing what you’d like to do, one of the first things I would do is suggest inviting Salt & Pepa over.  Yes, that pop duo from the 80′s.  Why them?  Well, I don’t think you need to actually visit with them, but just listen to a few verses from their song.  You know it.  We all do.  It’s simple:

“Let’s talk about sex, baby.  Let’s talk about you and me.”

Yes, my advice is often times that simple.  Talk.  Talk with your partner…or partners.  Talk with potential partners.  Talk with your therapist.  Talk with your friends.  Just be careful to talk with someone who wont shame you for your desires.

You say its difficult, embarassing, or uncomfortable talking about such personal things.  It will most likely stay that way if you don’t take the risk.  Little by little, it will be easier for you.  And little by little, you might find your sex life improving.

If you’re looking for a therpaist or counselor in Dupont Circle, Washington, DC, feel free to contact me, Mike Giordano, at 202-460-6384 or Mike.Giordano.MSW@gmail.com.

Folk make decisions regarding monogamy and open relationships for many reasons, including stability, sexual satisfaction, and romance.  The idea that an open relationship will necessarily destroy a couple is just not true.

Traditionally, therapists have suggested that an open relationship means that folk are incapable of committing.  Not only is that idea simply wrong, it is also changing.  More and more therapists are helping people negotiate the emotional landscapes of nonmonogamy – not simply telling clients to avoid this option.

From my work with clients, I find that the qualities that make a monogamous relationship work are those of an open relationship.  Those qualities include, respect, communication, authenticity and commitment.

So, if you are considering or living in an open relationship, know that the common cultural assumptions are not correct.  And if you need a therapist to work with, there are many of us out here.

If you’re looking for a therapist or couples counselor in Dupont Circle, Washington, DC – feel free to call me at 202/460-6384 or email me at Mike.Giordano.MSW@gmail.com.

In master therapist Irvin Yalom’s book, “The Gift of Therapy”, he speaks of the great importance of the relationship between the therapist and client.  He tells us that when the client and the therapist have a trusting relationship, many important things can happen.

She or he can then discuss the most intimate, painful, or shameful parts of her or his life, thoughts, or behaviors.  The client can also talk about his or her feelings towards the therapist, which can often reveal much about the client and his or her inner world.  This insight is particularly useful in challenging beliefs about one’s self.

As Dr. Yalom suggests, I want my clients to be free to sort through their often confusing thoughts and feelings they have towards me.  When we – the client and I -speak the unspoken, we then make progress.  And with that  trust and understanding, insight and lasting change can occur. 

If you’re looking for a therapist or counselor in Dupont Circle, Washington, DC, contact Mike Giordano at mike.giordano.msw@gmail.com or 202-460-6384.

In the movie, this couple falls in love, but then experiences a series of events which makes it seem clear that an enduring relationship will not happen.  They both go through intense periods of sadness, mourning, and grief – remembering the good times when they feel down.  While in these periods, they are tempted to call each other…and they do.  Attempting to rekindle the relationship, they again are reminded of why they can’t be together.  This results in another level of sadness and grief until, it seems to me, they finally accept that they cannot be a couple.

What a very human experience this is.  Sometimes tolerating our difficult emotions seems impossible.  We do what we can to not experience them.  Sometimes we reach out to our ex-lover, other times we indulge in alcohol, shopping, sex, or other activities.  Anything to avoid reality and emotion. 

Avoiding emotions isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  Sometimes we need to do things over and over before we can accept what life is offering.  The problem with this is that we can end up feeling “stuck.”  However, “stuckness” can be a sign that we might benefit from sitting with and honoring our emotions, rather than avoiding them. 

How can you do this?  There are many ways – from walking in the woods, meditating or practicing yoga, calling a dear friend, to speaking with a therapist or counselor.  Therapy is particularly helpful when feeling stuck.  Not only can you feel what you need to feel, but you can learn to accept life “on life’s terms.”  While not easy, it is certainly a path to freedom. 

If you’re looking for a therapist in Dupont Circle, Washington, DC, feel free to contact me, Mike Giordano, at mike.giordano.msw@gmail.com or 202/460-6384. 

Sometimes these reactions are in direct realtionship to a recent life change and sometimes that life change has opened old wounds from earlier in our lives.  Concretely, consider this:  A woman separated from her long-term partner in the past year.  When she is turned down by a potential date, she feels like sobbing. She realizes that she hardly knew this person and her reaction seems somehow out of proportion.  Upon further reflection, she accepts that she still mourns the relationship she recently lost, but that’s not all.  Being single brings up fears of dying alone, as well as a fear of rejection and abandonment, which has roots in a painful childhood of parental neglect. 

The end of a relationship is only one of many losses we experience in life.  Others include but are not limited to deaths, job losses, losing a pet, and loss of health.  Grief is a normal and expected reaction.  Many of us grieve without the support of a therapist.  But some of us find it helpful to work through this experience with a counselor – especially when we can’t understand our experience, feel isolated and alone, and need someone to hear our stories and help us make sense of our lives.  A skillful therapist will allow you to feel your emotions, provide some comfort and support, and help you make sense of your life and the path on which you travel.

If you’re looking for a therapist in Dupont Circle, Washington, DC, feel free to contact me at Mike.Giordano.MSW@gmail.com or at 202/460-6384.