February 27th, 2025
In this current moment, there’s so much to be afraid of. I’m tempted to list some of them, but I don’t want you to increase your worry by reading this. You clearly know what’s grabbing your attention and keeping you awake at night. For many of us, it’s non-stop. While not always at the top of our mind, our worries and fears are running low grade for what seems like all of the time.
Fears are sometimes abstract, connected to past traumas. In today’s world, many of our fears and worries are actual threats – looming like the sword of Damocles. We notice the threat, then start thinking about what could happen to us and the world. Once that happens, our nervous system begins to respond as if those possible future events are happening now.
Beyond the actual thoughts, how do you know that this is happening? What are the signs that you’re living in fear and anxiety? For some it’s nail biting, a tight stomach, a sore lower back. For others it’s doom scrolling, continuous news checking, poor sleep, increased alcohol intake, more time on dating and hook up apps.
When we’re living in the fear, we often fail to enjoy the presence of a loved one. We aren’t soothed by the sound of rain on the roof. We forget that dancing in fun.
Becoming aware of and noticing these tell-tale signs are essential in getting out of fear’s grip, even if the exit is momentary.
One way to do it is, after noticing you’re jacked up, focus your attention on your body, specifically your breath. Take deep breathes – slowly count to five while you inhale; slow count to five while your exhale. As you do this, it will be near impossible to be in your fearful thoughts. You’ll notice that your body softens and relaxes. You’ll feel better.
You can also shift your thoughts to a mantra – something like “Be here now” might be helpful. You can think it, but I suggest you say it out loud…even if out loud means whispering because you’re on the metro platform.
Another idea is when you notice your fearful thoughts, come to the emotion. Say to yourself, kindly, “I’m afraid.” Don’t list what you’re afraid of though, stick with the emotion. Notice the emotion, maybe put your hand on your chest or stroke your forearm. Speak calmly and lovingly to yourself, saying something like “I’m afraid. It’s ok. Come back to now.” Maybe even ask yourself something like, “Do you need to cry? It’s ok if you do.” And see if you can allow yourself to shed some tears.
A final suggestion (though there are many more ways of getting into the present), is actively noticing and pointing out items in your field of vision. For example, “those tomatoes are orange”, “the wind is blowing the trees”, “the sky is deep blue.” Again, out loud is probably more effective – if helps you stay focused.
Remember though…there’s nothing wrong with you that you’re reacting to threats and fear. It’s a human desire for protection. But thinking about them non-stop doesn’t actually do much to alleviate them or protect you. Do what you can for safety, then try and return to the present.
If you’re looking for a therapist, feel free to contact Mike Giordano at 202-460-6384 or Mike.Giordano.MSW@gmail.com.