February 10th, 2020
How do you assume form, let your guard down, and let others know you in all of your joy and sorrow? It’s not easy. As the musician James Blake sings, it requires you to “be out of your head” and in your body. Why? Because your head is where your fears, predictions of disaster, and self-doubt (or worse, self-hate) live. If you want to be “touchable” and “reachable”, you need to find ways to work with your fears, to honor them, but not let them be in charge.
One of my favorite musicians, James Blake, has a song titled “Assume Form” about meeting a woman he loves. To make the relationship work, he has to work around his worries, fears, and self-doubt to be present for her. It’s a beautiful song, with a strong sensitivity to the challenge of embracing oneself in hopes of a deeper connection.
In my experience, this requires deep self-compassion, which takes time to develop. Learning how to understand and appreciate the ways you have existed in life, how early challenges taught you to protect yourself, to not trust others…this is where the move to self-love begins. Once you begin to learn how to do this, you can, as Blake sings, “leave the ether” – leaving your thoughts filled with fear, worry, and self-criticism. You can be present, available to others, but even more importantly, to yourself.
People learn how to do this in a variety of ways. The ancient practices of meditation and yoga are one avenue. Therapy can be another. Learning how to be tender, compassionate, and understanding with yourself can be life-changing, in ways you can’t even expect. With care, you can then begin to feel “warmer, just knowing the sun will be out.”
If you’d like to give the song a listen, follow here:
If you’re looking for a therapist in Dupont Circle, Washington, DC to work on trusting yourself, feel free to contact Mike Giordano at 202-460-6384 or Mike.Giordano.MSW@gmail.com.