Posts Tagged ‘self-love’

Are you going to believe that story?

June 27th, 2016

compassion“Do you want to trust that story?”, asked a mentor of mine. We were in a workshop, exploring mindfulness, therapy, and the stories and beliefs we hold on to. The story I was telling about myself was particularly persistent. And when it’s told, I’m often left feeling lonely and unlovable. But for many reasons, the story is difficult to resist.

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Negative Self-Talk & the Nasty Roommate

October 22nd, 2015

negative self-talkThe Scene: Two men are talking on the phone, trying to set up a date for the weekend. Sam called Jamal to ask him out on a date. Sam is VERY interested in Jamal, and feeling very vulnerable.

Sam: Do you want to get together this weekend?

The Voice in Sam’s head: He won’t want to see you. He’s got better things to do.

Jamal: Sure, that’d be great.

Sam: When are you free?

Jamal: I’m free all weekend.

Sam: Ok.  Let’s do Saturday night.

The Voice in Sam’s Head: He has nothing better to do so he’ll go out with you.

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“The White House is lit up like a gay pride flag!”

July 27th, 2015

LGBT therapistIt was the night of the Supreme Court decision on marriage equality. I was at dinner with some friends and things were winding down. It was late, almost midnight, and I quickly checked Facebook and saw what seemed unbelievable. The White House was bathed in the six colors of the gay pride flag. I shouted out, “The White House is lit up like a gay pride flag!” I decided that I had to see it in person, so I rode my bike to the White House, arriving at 12:30 am.

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Sojourner’s Truth

March 20th, 2015

build your confidenceI’m not man enough, says one trans male client. I question my masculinity, says another cis male client. Am I as much of a woman as a cis woman?, asks a trans female client. Why doesn’t my life matter?, asks an African American cis male client. Questions like these pop up with much regularity in my work. People questioning their authenticity because cultural “norms” and life experiences make them feel out of place, invalidated, and just plain crappy about themselves.

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Your Illusions

January 19th, 2015

illusionSome of your illusions seeped into you before you learned to talk. Others sneaked into you later, while you were busy figuring out how to become yourself. Eventually, you even made conscious choices to adopt certain illusions because they provided you with comfort and consolation.

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The Mid-Life Re-Evaluation (aka mid-life crisis)

December 3rd, 2014

mid-life crisis“I’m kind of embarrassed.  I think I’m just going through a mid-life crisis.”  I’ve heard these words, or something similar to them, from many clients of a certain age. Shaming stereotypes of an older man running off with a younger woman in his brand new convertible run rampant…and make it more difficult for some people to talk about this stage of life.

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Tears…and The Soul

October 29th, 2014

Tears and the soulI might find myself in tears. I wrote these words to a friend recently, anticipating a hurtful experience with someone I know. I was poking fun at myself, making fun of my propensity to cry, a trait I am at times proud of and at other times would rather not have.

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Sex, STIs, & Being Clean

May 14th, 2014

A clean bill of health. Those are words most of us like to hear from the doc following a visit. There’s nothing wrong with feeling healthy. But this saying has morphed into a stigmatizing way of viewing STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections). If you spend anytime on dating and hook up sites, you’ll see some people write that they’re “clean” and they’re hoping that you’re “clean” too…clean being a euphemism for not having an STI. The implication is that if you have an STI, you are dirty. It sounds awful. And dehumanizing.

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Booker T. Washington & Chocolate Cake: Real World Advice on Coping with Depression & Loneliness, Part IV

March 12th, 2014

Coping with depression, loneliness, and feelings of hopelessness can feel like a solitary activity. When we feel these ways, we often have the impression that we’re on our own. I recently asked my Facebook friends how they get through difficult times – an effort of mine to get more ideas as a therapist and to also help people feel more connected at a time when it’s hard to feel love from others. I received many replies and have published portions of each one.  Following are the final comments I received from my friends. I hope you find these as meaningful as I have.

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“F*ck it…might as well do the dishes”: Real World Advice on Coping with Depression & Loneliness, Part III

March 5th, 2014

About a month ago, I posed a question to my Facebook friends, asking them how they cope with periods of depression, loneliness, and hopelessness. I received many wonderful, honest responses.  Studies have shown that therapy and counseling are an effective ways to deal with depression.  But I know that there are others ways too.  So, I continue to share with you the variety of ways people get through the tough days, months, and years.

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