Posts Tagged ‘self-love’

Befriending Your Feelings

September 29th, 2022

What if you weren’t afraid of your feelings? Not a question we are asked very often; perhaps never. But maybe it’s one worth considering.

I think about this often, both for myself as well as with clients. There are many emotions we welcome, often without thinking about it. Joy, happiness, transcendence are just a few examples. They feel great! We actually crave the experience of some emotions.

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Assume Form

February 10th, 2020

How do you assume form, let your guard down, and let others know you in all of your joy and sorrow? It’s not easy. As the musician James Blake sings, it requires you to “be out of your head” and in your body. Why? Because your head is where your fears, predictions of disaster, and self-doubt (or worse, self-hate) live. If you want to be “touchable” and “reachable”, you need to find ways to work with your fears, to honor them, but not let them be in charge.

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Trust in others…then yourself

May 28th, 2018

Trusting our friends“Trust, Mike!”

That’s what my yoga teacher told me, noticing that I became anxious and had begun to pull out of a backbend from the knees. It was a challenging pose and she was directing the class to go deeper then most of us had in the past. However, immediately upon hearing her, I took her direction and entered back into the pose, and went deeper into it then I ever have. It was one of those moments in yoga, when you realize that you’re capable of more then you thought.

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Self-Acceptance, Rumi-Style

November 7th, 2017

self-acceptanceThis being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.



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Are you going to believe that story?

June 27th, 2016

compassion“Do you want to trust that story?”, asked a mentor of mine. We were in a workshop, exploring mindfulness, therapy, and the stories and beliefs we hold on to. The story I was telling about myself was particularly persistent. And when it’s told, I’m often left feeling lonely and unlovable. But for many reasons, the story is difficult to resist.

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Negative Self-Talk & the Nasty Roommate

October 22nd, 2015

negative self-talkThe Scene: Two men are talking on the phone, trying to set up a date for the weekend. Sam called Jamal to ask him out on a date. Sam is VERY interested in Jamal, and feeling very vulnerable.

Sam: Do you want to get together this weekend?

The Voice in Sam’s head: He won’t want to see you. He’s got better things to do.

Jamal: Sure, that’d be great.

Sam: When are you free?

Jamal: I’m free all weekend.

Sam: Ok.  Let’s do Saturday night.

The Voice in Sam’s Head: He has nothing better to do so he’ll go out with you.

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“The White House is lit up like a gay pride flag!”

July 27th, 2015

LGBT therapistIt was the night of the Supreme Court decision on marriage equality. I was at dinner with some friends and things were winding down. It was late, almost midnight, and I quickly checked Facebook and saw what seemed unbelievable. The White House was bathed in the six colors of the gay pride flag. I shouted out, “The White House is lit up like a gay pride flag!” I decided that I had to see it in person, so I rode my bike to the White House, arriving at 12:30 am.

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Sojourner’s Truth

March 20th, 2015

build your confidenceI’m not man enough, says one trans male client. I question my masculinity, says another cis male client. Am I as much of a woman as a cis woman?, asks a trans female client. Why doesn’t my life matter?, asks an African American cis male client. Questions like these pop up with much regularity in my work. People questioning their authenticity because cultural “norms” and life experiences make them feel out of place, invalidated, and just plain crappy about themselves.

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Your Illusions

January 19th, 2015

illusionSome of your illusions seeped into you before you learned to talk. Others sneaked into you later, while you were busy figuring out how to become yourself. Eventually, you even made conscious choices to adopt certain illusions because they provided you with comfort and consolation.

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The Mid-Life Re-Evaluation (aka mid-life crisis)

December 3rd, 2014

mid-life crisis“I’m kind of embarrassed.  I think I’m just going through a mid-life crisis.”  I’ve heard these words, or something similar to them, from many clients of a certain age. Shaming stereotypes of an older man running off with a younger woman in his brand new convertible run rampant…and make it more difficult for some people to talk about this stage of life.

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