September 29th, 2022
What if you weren’t afraid of your feelings? Not a question we are asked very often; perhaps never. But maybe it’s one worth considering.
I think about this often, both for myself as well as with clients. There are many emotions we welcome, often without thinking about it. Joy, happiness, transcendence are just a few examples. They feel great! We actually crave the experience of some emotions.
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Tags: emotions, feelings, self-compassion, self-love
Posted Under | Depression, Anxiety & Stress, Grief & Loss, Sexual/Physical Abuse & Trauma, Therapy & Counseling | Comments Off on Befriending Your Feelings
February 10th, 2020
How do you assume form, let your guard down, and let others know you in all of your joy and sorrow? It’s not easy. As the musician James Blake sings, it requires you to “be out of your head” and in your body. Why? Because your head is where your fears, predictions of disaster, and self-doubt (or worse, self-hate) live. If you want to be “touchable” and “reachable”, you need to find ways to work with your fears, to honor them, but not let them be in charge.
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Tags: compassion, mindfulness, self-acceptance, self-compassion, self-love
Posted Under | Relationships, Couples, Polyamory, Kink & Sexuality | No Comments »
May 28th, 2018
“Trust, Mike!”
That’s what my yoga teacher told me, noticing that I became anxious and had begun to pull out of a backbend from the knees. It was a challenging pose and she was directing the class to go deeper then most of us had in the past. However, immediately upon hearing her, I took her direction and entered back into the pose, and went deeper into it then I ever have. It was one of those moments in yoga, when you realize that you’re capable of more then you thought.
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Tags: Anxiety & Stress, change, self care, self-love, trust
Posted Under | Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »
November 7th, 2017
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Tags: self care, self-acceptance, self-compassion, self-love
Posted Under | Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »
June 27th, 2016
“Do you want to trust that story?”, asked a mentor of mine. We were in a workshop, exploring mindfulness, therapy, and the stories and beliefs we hold on to. The story I was telling about myself was particularly persistent. And when it’s told, I’m often left feeling lonely and unlovable. But for many reasons, the story is difficult to resist.
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Tags: healing, hope, self care, self-love, trauma
Posted Under | Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »
October 22nd, 2015
The Scene: Two men are talking on the phone, trying to set up a date for the weekend. Sam called Jamal to ask him out on a date. Sam is VERY interested in Jamal, and feeling very vulnerable.
Sam: Do you want to get together this weekend?
The Voice in Sam’s head: He won’t want to see you. He’s got better things to do.
Jamal: Sure, that’d be great.
Sam: When are you free?
Jamal: I’m free all weekend.
Sam: Ok. Let’s do Saturday night.
The Voice in Sam’s Head: He has nothing better to do so he’ll go out with you.
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Tags: hope, mindfulness, self care, self-love
Posted Under | Depression, Anxiety & Stress, Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »
July 27th, 2015
It was the night of the Supreme Court decision on marriage equality. I was at dinner with some friends and things were winding down. It was late, almost midnight, and I quickly checked Facebook and saw what seemed unbelievable. The White House was bathed in the six colors of the gay pride flag. I shouted out, “The White House is lit up like a gay pride flag!” I decided that I had to see it in person, so I rode my bike to the White House, arriving at 12:30 am.
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Tags: glbt, healing, lgbt, self-love
Posted Under | Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, & Queer Concerns | No Comments »
March 20th, 2015
I’m not man enough, says one trans male client. I question my masculinity, says another cis male client. Am I as much of a woman as a cis woman?, asks a trans female client. Why doesn’t my life matter?, asks an African American cis male client. Questions like these pop up with much regularity in my work. People questioning their authenticity because cultural “norms” and life experiences make them feel out of place, invalidated, and just plain crappy about themselves.
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Tags: confidence, lgbt, People of Color, self care, self-love
Posted Under | Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, & Queer Concerns, People of Color, Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »
January 19th, 2015
Some of your illusions seeped into you before you learned to talk. Others sneaked into you later, while you were busy figuring out how to become yourself. Eventually, you even made conscious choices to adopt certain illusions because they provided you with comfort and consolation.
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Tags: hope, self care, self-love, therapy
Posted Under | Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »
December 3rd, 2014
“I’m kind of embarrassed. I think I’m just going through a mid-life crisis.” I’ve heard these words, or something similar to them, from many clients of a certain age. Shaming stereotypes of an older man running off with a younger woman in his brand new convertible run rampant…and make it more difficult for some people to talk about this stage of life.
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Tags: change, hope, self-love
Posted Under | Depression, Anxiety & Stress, Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »
This being human is a guest house.
“Do you want to trust that story?”, asked a mentor of mine. We were in a workshop, exploring mindfulness, therapy, and the stories and beliefs we hold on to. The story I was telling about myself was particularly persistent. And when it’s told, I’m often left feeling lonely and unlovable. But for many reasons, the story is difficult to resist.
The Scene: Two men are talking on the phone, trying to set up a date for the weekend. Sam called Jamal to ask him out on a date. Sam is VERY interested in Jamal, and feeling very vulnerable.
It was the night of the Supreme Court decision on marriage equality. I was at dinner with some friends and things were winding down. It was late, almost midnight, and I quickly checked Facebook and saw what seemed unbelievable. The White House was bathed in the six colors of the gay pride flag. I shouted out, “The White House is lit up like a gay pride flag!” I decided that I had to see it in person, so I rode my bike to the White House, arriving at 12:30 am.
I’m not man enough, says one trans male client. I question my masculinity, says another cis male client. Am I as much of a woman as a cis woman?, asks a trans female client. Why doesn’t my life matter?, asks an African American cis male client. Questions like these pop up with much regularity in my work. People questioning their authenticity because cultural “norms” and life experiences make them feel out of place, invalidated, and just plain crappy about themselves.
Some of your illusions seeped into you before you learned to talk. Others sneaked into you later, while you were busy figuring out how to become yourself. Eventually, you even made conscious choices to adopt certain illusions because they provided you with comfort and consolation.
“I’m kind of embarrassed. I think I’m just going through a mid-life crisis.” I’ve heard these words, or something similar to them, from many clients of a certain age. Shaming stereotypes of an older man running off with a younger woman in his brand new convertible run rampant…and make it more difficult for some people to talk about this stage of life.