January 9th, 2009
Confronting a history of sexual abuse and rape is difficult for anyone. It is uniquely difficult for men, as our culture has so many myths about male sexuality. One is that men can’t be raped. A second is that males always enjoy any kind of sexual attention. It’s deemed a inherent part of our make-up.
However, anyone who’s been molested, raped or abused knows differently. Sexual abuse is a profound indignity put on an individual. It can have pervasive consequences, imposing itself on personal and romantic relationships, making trust of self and others difficult. At times, the residue of abuse leads to alcohol, drugs, confusion about sexual identity and the like. The violence imposed on a man’s spirit can be profound.
Many men choose to face their histories, realize that it’s not their fault, and begin the healing process. They have immense strength. They might not realize this, but that’s exactly what it takes to break the silence and try to live a more joyful, satisfying life.
I’ve worked with men who have done just that. They’ve broken our culture’s taboo, gotten help, and have begun living life outside of the shadow cast by the abuse. They have begun to feel happier, more trusting of others, and more accepting of themselves. It’s possible. I’ve seen it happen.