We Never Have Sex Anymore!

May 21st, 2013

I’ve heard that statement many times from clients.  In fact, it’s not an uncommon complaint in the therapy room.  And it can be a difficult problem for people in relationships to tackle.  There’s often a hidden storage of fear, embarrassment, anger, and resentment keeping people from having the sex life they desire.

One of the things I do, first, though, is help people understand what they really want.  Sure, going from having actual intercourse from once every two months to once a week would be nice.  But is it simply the mechanics that you want back in your life?  Most people say “No.”  Most folk want eroticism, passion, connection, and romance.  Oral sex would be nice…but adding the full experience of expressing your sexuality and desire makes it much more satisfying.

Getting two (or more) people who’ve experienced persistent rejection from each other to explore what they want and how they want it can be a challenge.  You’ve got to take risks – risking talking about old, painful issues.  Risking the revelation of hidden desires.  Risking the possibility that going through this exercize, being vulnerable, might not be successful.

These discussions can often be difficult to do on your own.  It’s my experience that a therapist who’s comfortable talking about sexuality non-judgementally can be a very useful.  Most folk find themselves talking in circles or revisiting the same issues – making little progress.  But many people find working with a therapist worth it.  Sexual satisfaction is important to many people…rightly so.  And many times, improving your sex life goes hand in hand with improving your emotional connection.

If you’re looking for a therapist or counselor in Dupont Circle, Washington, DC, feel free to contact me, Mike Giordano, at 202-460-6384 or Mike.Giordano.MSW@gmail.com.

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