Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Therapy…and Sexuality…as Liberation

October 8th, 2015

sex-positive therapistIn September, I presented a workshop with my colleague, therapist Tamara Pincus, at CatalystCon West in Burbank, LA. Our workshop, “Why can’t I go to a sex party?” provided a space for professionals, including psychotherapists, to explore how their sexual expression and professional lives interact. We’ve facilitated this conversation several times and one thing has become abundantly clear: the dominant culture’s shaming of non-heteronormative, non-monogamy-based sexualities affects not only clients…but therapists as well. The shame and judgement of a sexually-repressed culture has consequences for everyone.

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Making Monogamy a Choice

August 24th, 2015

poly-friendly therapistRecently at the Woodhull Foundation’s 2015 Sexual Freedom Summit, Tamara Pincus, LICSW and I co-facilitated a discussion on compulsory monogamy – the idea that everyone is expected to be monogamous. Monogamy is the norm in the US. It’s expected and unquestioned in relationships. And we are subtly taught from birth that we too will one day be in a monogamous relationship. We often times don’t even realize that we have a choice in the matter.

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Relationship Lessons from a Pro-Domme

March 31st, 2015

relationship lessonsIf your Master or Mistress asks you to tell you what’s on your mind…you tell them, says a Pro-Domme (professional dominatrix) in a workshop for people in Dom/sub relationships.  She was reminding everyone about why they contracted to be with their partner and how to continue in a healthy way.  It’s actually pretty straightforward advice if you’re the submissive in a Master/slave, Daddy/Boy, or any other kind of Dom/sub relationship. You entered in to this relationship with the understanding that you do as you’re told. In fact, being clear about expectations and direct communication are hallmarks of many D/s relationships.  However, this advice is not exclusive to these kinds of agreements. It can be helpful to all.

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When Polyamory Isn’t For You

November 14th, 2014

poly-friendly therapyThere’s been an interesting shift in a segment of society. Many people who are liberal and open minded have come to see polyamory as a more enlightened form of relationship – somehow more evolved than monogamy. They often think that it takes more work, requires better communication, and demands more self-awareness than monogamy.  I don’t think there’s any scientific basis for this statement, though, to be sure, polyamory is quite different than monogamy in practice and relationship dynamics.  I have nothing against polyamory – or monogamy. My stance is that people need to be in relationships that are right for them. However, this belief that polyamory is more enlightened can cause psychic pain to the person who’s not wired to be poly.

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We Never Have Sex Anymore!

May 21st, 2013

I’ve heard that statement many times from clients.  In fact, it’s not an uncommon complaint in the therapy room.  And it can be a difficult problem for people in relationships to tackle.  There’s often a hidden storage of fear, embarrassment, anger, and resentment keeping people from having the sex life they desire.

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Overwhelming Grief

November 7th, 2011

images-2Have you ever experienced overwhelming grief?  If you’ve gone through an extremely difficult loss, you know what I’m talking about.  Feeling on the verge of tears – more often than you’ve ever experienced.  Feeling sad and depressed much of the day.  Or experiencing a surge of sadness unexpectedly.  You find yourself angry and bitter and don’t quite understand this change in your perspective.  Perhaps you react strongly to things that would have gotten a much weaker response from you at a different time.

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Jealousy – An Opportunity for Growth

September 30th, 2010

jealousyI often times see folks who are dealing with jealousy.  They may suspect that their partner, girlfriend or boyfriend, or spouse is seeing, sleeping, talking, texting,  or fantasizing about someone else.   Others might find themselves jealous of their loved one’s commitment to work, the time she or he spends with the child, how connected he or she is to their best friend, or even how much time the person in question spends on the computer.  Yes, you’ve guessed it by now – jealously can take many shapes.

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Poly-Friendly Therapy

August 30th, 2010

poly-friendly therapistJudgement.  I know you’ve felt it from people, maybe even from a therapist.  Judgement that your “lifestyle” isn’t healthy.  That there’s something wrong with your open relationship.  Maybe you’ve even been told that your intimate relationships are a sign that you can’t commit, you’re immature, or some other nonsense.

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Demonstrating Willingness with Your Partner or Spouse

May 29th, 2010

couples therapyWhen I see a couple in the therapy room, they are typically at their wit’s end.  They’ve tried to fix things on their own and can’t see their way through it. Perhaps one partner blames the other.  Most likely, they’ve tried to talk over their concerns themselves, but end up fighting, arguing, or simply avoiding the issues.  They don’t feel connection with each other and often feel contempt.

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Why a Kink-Friendly & Kink-Aware Therapist?

May 20th, 2010

kink-friendly therapistDiscussing topics of fetish, fantasy, BDSM and other “kinks” demands that your therapist is non-judgmental.  So many times, folks have reported feeling judged or pathologized for their desires or fantasies, even when they find these desires to be joyful and fulfilling.  A kink-friendly therapist doesn’t judge.  A kink-friendly and aware therapist recognizes that there are many ways in which people express themselves, their identity, intimacy, and sexuality.

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