October 8th, 2015
In September, I presented a workshop with my colleague, therapist Tamara Pincus, at CatalystCon West in Burbank, LA. Our workshop, “Why can’t I go to a sex party?” provided a space for professionals, including psychotherapists, to explore how their sexual expression and professional lives interact. We’ve facilitated this conversation several times and one thing has become abundantly clear: the dominant culture’s shaming of non-heteronormative, non-monogamy-based sexualities affects not only clients…but therapists as well. The shame and judgement of a sexually-repressed culture has consequences for everyone.
The challenge for all of us, whether we are kinky, poly, exhibitionists, swingers, or good old fashioned monogamists is similar. We all get the message that it’s not ok to share our sexuality with others. We keep it quiet…under wraps. And when we keep something so important away from the daylight, we can experience all kinds of problems. Some of us have difficulties in relationships because we’re uncomfortable saying what we want. Others get into relationships with people that they’re not even attracted to, because they believe that paying attention to attraction and sex appeal is “shallow”. Others live in shame about their unconventional desires and get depressed.
Therapy can be helpful here. Discussing these things with a supportive, affirming, sex-positive therapist can be a liberating experience. It can help you accept yourself and then live into who you actually are.
However, therapy is not the only way to experience liberation. Exploring and expressing one’s authentic sexuality can provide another avenue for liberation. It can take courage to express that kink, to go to that sex party, or to simply tell your partner that you want to try a different position. And often times, when we begin to take these risks, we experience ourselves differently. Little by little, our fulfillment increases. We see that being a “kinky perv” isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We gain confidence in who we are. And life gets better.
If you’re looking for a sex-positive therapist in Dupont Circle, Washington, DC, contact Mike Giordano, LICSW at 202-460-6384 or Mike.Giordano.MSW@gmail.com.