Posts Tagged ‘Kink & Sexuality’

Therapy…and Sexuality…as Liberation

October 8th, 2015

sex-positive therapistIn September, I presented a workshop with my colleague, therapist Tamara Pincus, at CatalystCon West in Burbank, LA. Our workshop, “Why can’t I go to a sex party?” provided a space for professionals, including psychotherapists, to explore how their sexual expression and professional lives interact. We’ve facilitated this conversation several times and one thing has become abundantly clear: the dominant culture’s shaming of non-heteronormative, non-monogamy-based sexualities affects not only clients…but therapists as well. The shame and judgement of a sexually-repressed culture has consequences for everyone.

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Am I Seeing a Sex-Positive Therapist?

September 28th, 2015

sex-positive therapistIn US culture, personal sexual expression is still a topic that is little discussed and very much stigmatized. While this is true for the population in general, it is also true for psychotherapists. The fact that sex therapy is a speciality rather than a skill all therapists are expected to have speaks volumes. In my field, sex is often seen as a side issue to a person’s well being, rather than integral. Many therapists are taught to see sexuality through a pathological lens. Anything outside of heteronormative, marital, & monogamy-seeking behaviors is often seen as problematic. For these reasons, it’s very important to be able to identify a sex-positive therapist when you need to work on sexual concerns about which you feel some shame or embarrassment.

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Making Monogamy a Choice

August 24th, 2015

poly-friendly therapistRecently at the Woodhull Foundation’s 2015 Sexual Freedom Summit, Tamara Pincus, LICSW and I co-facilitated a discussion on compulsory monogamy – the idea that everyone is expected to be monogamous. Monogamy is the norm in the US. It’s expected and unquestioned in relationships. And we are subtly taught from birth that we too will one day be in a monogamous relationship. We often times don’t even realize that we have a choice in the matter.

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Relationship Lessons from a Pro-Domme

March 31st, 2015

relationship lessonsIf your Master or Mistress asks you to tell you what’s on your mind…you tell them, says a Pro-Domme (professional dominatrix) in a workshop for people in Dom/sub relationships.  She was reminding everyone about why they contracted to be with their partner and how to continue in a healthy way.  It’s actually pretty straightforward advice if you’re the submissive in a Master/slave, Daddy/Boy, or any other kind of Dom/sub relationship. You entered in to this relationship with the understanding that you do as you’re told. In fact, being clear about expectations and direct communication are hallmarks of many D/s relationships.  However, this advice is not exclusive to these kinds of agreements. It can be helpful to all.

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Unresolved Trauma and Relationships

March 9th, 2010

couples counseling traumaDo you have a hard time trusting?  Do you find intimacy threatening?  Do you run from a relationship before it gets too serious?  If so, you’re not alone.  These are some of the difficulties survivors of abuse, sexual assault, rape and molestation report.  Not all survivors, of course, but enough to were it’s recognizable.

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Staying on Your Partner’s Island

January 14th, 2010

couples counselingAre you in a difficult situation with your partner or spouse?  Fighting, arguing, wondering if this will work?  If so, it’s not an unusual place to be.  Being in a committed relationship has many challenges.  Being vulnerable and trusting, especially when trust has been violated, is difficult.

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Gay and Lesbian Couples & the Military

July 19th, 2009

LGBT military couplesI have learned from my clients that being LGBT and in the military is not easy.  Having to hide an integral part of yourself can take it’s toll.  The military poses special challenges for same sex couples in which one or both of the partners is serving.  For some couples, secrecy becomes important both on the job and off.  And if the couple decides to live openly while off-duty, worries about being seen or “caught” can still be present.

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