August 29th, 2017

“Sexting has become an epidemic!”

“What are these kids thinking?”

“Why would anyone send a nude picture via text? Don’t they know the risks?”

You’ve probably heard these comments and more, made about sexting and how younger people are using their phones. Yes, there are risks of having your pictures end up somewhere unwanted. Public humiliation and shame are definitely things to avoid. But there’s also an upside to sexting.

Tags: couples, Kink & Sexuality, sex therapy, sexuality
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October 8th, 2015

In September, I presented a workshop with my colleague, therapist Tamara Pincus, at CatalystCon West in Burbank, LA. Our workshop, “Why can’t I go to a sex party?” provided a space for professionals, including psychotherapists, to explore how their sexual expression and professional lives interact. We’ve facilitated this conversation several times and one thing has become abundantly clear: the dominant culture’s shaming of non-heteronormative, non-monogamy-based sexualities affects not only clients…but therapists as well. The shame and judgement of a sexually-repressed culture has consequences for everyone.

Tags: Kink & Sexuality, relationships, self care, sex
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September 28th, 2015

In US culture, personal sexual expression is still a topic that is little discussed and very much stigmatized. While this is true for the population in general, it is also true for psychotherapists. The fact that sex therapy is a speciality rather than a skill all therapists are expected to have speaks volumes. In my field, sex is often seen as a side issue to a person’s well being, rather than integral. Many therapists are taught to see sexuality through a pathological lens. Anything outside of heteronormative, marital, & monogamy-seeking behaviors is often seen as problematic. For these reasons, it’s very important to be able to identify a sex-positive therapist when you need to work on sexual concerns about which you feel some shame or embarrassment.

Tags: Kink & Sexuality, polyamory, sex-positivity, sexuality
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August 24th, 2015

Recently at the Woodhull Foundation’s 2015 Sexual Freedom Summit, Tamara Pincus, LICSW and I co-facilitated a discussion on compulsory monogamy – the idea that everyone is expected to be monogamous. Monogamy is the norm in the US. It’s expected and unquestioned in relationships. And we are subtly taught from birth that we too will one day be in a monogamous relationship. We often times don’t even realize that we have a choice in the matter.

Tags: Kink & Sexuality, monogamy, open relationships, polyamory, relationships
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March 31st, 2015

If your Master or Mistress asks you to tell you what’s on your mind…you tell them, says a Pro-Domme (professional dominatrix) in a workshop for people in Dom/sub relationships.  She was reminding everyone about why they contracted to be with their partner and how to continue in a healthy way.  It’s actually pretty straightforward advice if you’re the submissive in a Master/slave, Daddy/Boy, or any other kind of Dom/sub relationship. You entered in to this relationship with the understanding that you do as you’re told. In fact, being clear about expectations and direct communication are hallmarks of many D/s relationships.  However, this advice is not exclusive to these kinds of agreements. It can be helpful to all.

Tags: couples, Kink & Sexuality, relationships
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March 9th, 2010

Do you have a hard time trusting?  Do you find intimacy threatening?  Do you run from a relationship before it gets too serious?  If so, you’re not alone.  These are some of the difficulties survivors of abuse, sexual assault, rape and molestation report.  Not all survivors, of course, but enough to were it’s recognizable.

Tags: couples, Kink & Sexuality, polyamory, relationships, Sexual/Physical Abuse & Trauma, trauma
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January 14th, 2010

Are you in a difficult situation with your partner or spouse?  Fighting, arguing, wondering if this will work?  If so, it’s not an unusual place to be.  Being in a committed relationship has many challenges.  Being vulnerable and trusting, especially when trust has been violated, is difficult.

Tags: couples, Kink & Sexuality, polyamory, relationships
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July 19th, 2009

I have learned from my clients that being LGBT and in the military is not easy.  Having to hide an integral part of yourself can take it’s toll.  The military poses special challenges for same sex couples in which one or both of the partners is serving.  For some couples, secrecy becomes important both on the job and off.  And if the couple decides to live openly while off-duty, worries about being seen or “caught” can still be present.

Tags: & Queer Concerns, bisexual, couples, gay, Kink & Sexuality, lesbian, polyamory, relationships, transgender
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