March 31st, 2015
If your Master or Mistress asks you to tell you what’s on your mind…you tell them, says a Pro-Domme (professional dominatrix) in a workshop for people in Dom/sub relationships. She was reminding everyone about why they contracted to be with their partner and how to continue in a healthy way. It’s actually pretty straightforward advice if you’re the submissive in a Master/slave, Daddy/Boy, or any other kind of Dom/sub relationship. You entered in to this relationship with the understanding that you do as you’re told. In fact, being clear about expectations and direct communication are hallmarks of many D/s relationships. However, this advice is not exclusive to these kinds of agreements. It can be helpful to all.
We so often keep our thoughts, feelings, and concerns from our lovers, spouses, partners. The reasons we do so are many. A husband is afraid that his wife will get defensive if he tells her about his concern about their sex life. Another woman won’t tell her girlfriend about her sadness – afraid she will burden her partner with this news as her partner has her own concerns. Another person simply feels shame about his thoughts and feelings about his own attractiveness and is embarrassed to share them. Not sharing, though has it’s consequences, including a deepening lack of connection and growing resentments.
Many times, our fears about sharing concerns with loved ones materializes. The wife may get angry and defensive. A partner can shut down and refuse to talk. These reactions are as problematic as not sharing concerns.
When such dynamics are occurring, you may want to following the Pro-Domme’s advice. Remember why you’re in the relationship. What do you value about each other? What keeps you together, strong, and on the same page? Share what you have to say. And be available to listen to what you might not want to hear. The Pro-Domme may seem like an unlikely source of relationship lessons, but I encourage you to listen.
If you you’re looking for a couples therapist in Washington, DC, contact Mike Giordano, LICSW at Mike.Giordano.MSW@gmail.com or 202-460-6384.