Gay and Lesbian Couples & the Military

July 19th, 2009

LGBT military couplesI have learned from my clients that being LGBT and in the military is not easy.  Having to hide an integral part of yourself can take it’s toll.  The military poses special challenges for same sex couples in which one or both of the partners is serving.  For some couples, secrecy becomes important both on the job and off.  And if the couple decides to live openly while off-duty, worries about being seen or “caught” can still be present.

Couples who have to live this way, through no fault of their own, can feel isolated. This can take their toll on the relationship.  Due to the stresses inherent in living and working in a culture that is marginalizing, disconnection, anger, irritation and other feelings can become more common in a relationship.

There is some hope that  “Don’t Ask-Don’t Tell” will be lifted.  Hopefully same sex couples will experience some relief from having to hide and worry.

In the meantime, LGBT military couples may benefit from seeing a LGBT-affirming therapist.  I work hard to earn your trust, ensure your confidentiality, and affirm your right to be in relationship.  As you seek help, you may find that the problem isn’t you or your partner, but the conditions in which you live and love.  With time, you can feel more connected and secure within your relationship.

If your in the military and looking for couples counseling, call Mike Giordano, LICSW at 202/460-6384 or email at


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