September 28th, 2015
In US culture, personal sexual expression is still a topic that is little discussed and very much stigmatized. While this is true for the population in general, it is also true for psychotherapists. The fact that sex therapy is a speciality rather than a skill all therapists are expected to have speaks volumes. In my field, sex is often seen as a side issue to a person’s well being, rather than integral. Many therapists are taught to see sexuality through a pathological lens. Anything outside of heteronormative, marital, & monogamy-seeking behaviors is often seen as problematic. For these reasons, it’s very important to be able to identify a sex-positive therapist when you need to work on sexual concerns about which you feel some shame or embarrassment.
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Tags: Kink & Sexuality, polyamory, sex-positivity, sexuality
Posted Under | Relationships, Couples, Polyamory, Kink & Sexuality, Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »
August 24th, 2015
Recently at the Woodhull Foundation’s 2015 Sexual Freedom Summit, Tamara Pincus, LICSW and I co-facilitated a discussion on compulsory monogamy – the idea that everyone is expected to be monogamous. Monogamy is the norm in the US. It’s expected and unquestioned in relationships. And we are subtly taught from birth that we too will one day be in a monogamous relationship. We often times don’t even realize that we have a choice in the matter.
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Tags: Kink & Sexuality, monogamy, open relationships, polyamory, relationships
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November 14th, 2014
There’s been an interesting shift in a segment of society. Many people who are liberal and open minded have come to see polyamory as a more enlightened form of relationship – somehow more evolved than monogamy. They often think that it takes more work, requires better communication, and demands more self-awareness than monogamy. I don’t think there’s any scientific basis for this statement, though, to be sure, polyamory is quite different than monogamy in practice and relationship dynamics. I have nothing against polyamory – or monogamy. My stance is that people need to be in relationships that are right for them. However, this belief that polyamory is more enlightened can cause psychic pain to the person who’s not wired to be poly.
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Tags: open relationships, polyamory, relationships
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August 30th, 2010
Judgement. I know you’ve felt it from people, maybe even from a therapist. Judgement that your “lifestyle” isn’t healthy. That there’s something wrong with your open relationship. Maybe you’ve even been told that your intimate relationships are a sign that you can’t commit, you’re immature, or some other nonsense.
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Tags: couples, poly-friendly therapist, polyamory, relationships, sexuality
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March 9th, 2010
Do you have a hard time trusting? Do you find intimacy threatening? Do you run from a relationship before it gets too serious? If so, you’re not alone. These are some of the difficulties survivors of abuse, sexual assault, rape and molestation report. Not all survivors, of course, but enough to were it’s recognizable.
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Tags: couples, Kink & Sexuality, polyamory, relationships, Sexual/Physical Abuse & Trauma, trauma
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January 14th, 2010
Are you in a difficult situation with your partner or spouse? Fighting, arguing, wondering if this will work? If so, it’s not an unusual place to be. Being in a committed relationship has many challenges. Being vulnerable and trusting, especially when trust has been violated, is difficult.
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Tags: couples, Kink & Sexuality, polyamory, relationships
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July 19th, 2009
I have learned from my clients that being LGBT and in the military is not easy. Having to hide an integral part of yourself can take it’s toll. The military poses special challenges for same sex couples in which one or both of the partners is serving. For some couples, secrecy becomes important both on the job and off. And if the couple decides to live openly while off-duty, worries about being seen or “caught” can still be present.
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Tags: & Queer Concerns, bisexual, couples, gay, Kink & Sexuality, lesbian, polyamory, relationships, transgender
Posted Under | Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, & Queer Concerns, Relationships, Couples, Polyamory, Kink & Sexuality | No Comments »
