October 22nd, 2015

The Scene: Two men are talking on the phone, trying to set up a date for the weekend. Sam called Jamal to ask him out on a date. Sam is VERY interested in Jamal, and feeling very vulnerable.

Sam: Do you want to get together this weekend?

The Voice in Sam’s head: He won’t want to see you. He’s got better things to do.

Jamal: Sure, that’d be great.

Sam: When are you free?

Jamal: I’m free all weekend.

Sam: Ok.  Let’s do Saturday night.

The Voice in Sam’s Head: He has nothing better to do so he’ll go out with you.

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Tags: hope, mindfulness, self care, self-love
Posted Under | Depression, Anxiety & Stress, Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »

October 8th, 2015

In September, I presented a workshop with my colleague, therapist Tamara Pincus, at CatalystCon West in Burbank, LA. Our workshop, “Why can’t I go to a sex party?” provided a space for professionals, including psychotherapists, to explore how their sexual expression and professional lives interact. We’ve facilitated this conversation several times and one thing has become abundantly clear: the dominant culture’s shaming of non-heteronormative, non-monogamy-based sexualities affects not only clients…but therapists as well. The shame and judgement of a sexually-repressed culture has consequences for everyone.

Tags: Kink & Sexuality, relationships, self care, sex
Posted Under | Relationships, Couples, Polyamory, Kink & Sexuality, Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »

September 28th, 2015

In US culture, personal sexual expression is still a topic that is little discussed and very much stigmatized. While this is true for the population in general, it is also true for psychotherapists. The fact that sex therapy is a speciality rather than a skill all therapists are expected to have speaks volumes. In my field, sex is often seen as a side issue to a person’s well being, rather than integral. Many therapists are taught to see sexuality through a pathological lens. Anything outside of heteronormative, marital, & monogamy-seeking behaviors is often seen as problematic. For these reasons, it’s very important to be able to identify a sex-positive therapist when you need to work on sexual concerns about which you feel some shame or embarrassment.

Tags: Kink & Sexuality, polyamory, sex-positivity, sexuality
Posted Under | Relationships, Couples, Polyamory, Kink & Sexuality, Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »

May 28th, 2015

“I like to keep things light.” This is what a boyfriend – let’s call him Rahim – recently told a friend of mine – let’s call her Sharon. Rahim said this in the face of major crises, including a life or death situation for a loved one. Sharon told me about the inherent dichotomy in what her boyfriend is saying versus what he is experiencing. And how stating that he keeps things light is actually an avoidance strategy that is not honest, nor is it ultimately helpful. Rahim was sleeping poorly, had stomach aches, and generally felt miserable.  So much for  keeping things light.

Tags: self care
Posted Under | Depression, Anxiety & Stress, Grief & Loss, Therapy & Counseling, Uncategorized | No Comments »

May 7th, 2015

“Trust your intuition.” We’ve all been told this. It’s nice to be able to trust yourself and your internal compass. However, a yoga teacher recently reminded me that trusting your intuition isn’t always that straightforward.

Tags: emotional abuse, healing, self care, sexual abuse, trauma, yoga
Posted Under | Depression, Anxiety & Stress, Sexual/Physical Abuse & Trauma, Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »

March 20th, 2015

I’m not man enough, says one trans male client. I question my masculinity, says another cis male client. Am I as much of a woman as a cis woman?, asks a trans female client. Why doesn’t my life matter?, asks an African American cis male client. Questions like these pop up with much regularity in my work. People questioning their authenticity because cultural “norms” and life experiences make them feel out of place, invalidated, and just plain crappy about themselves.

Tags: confidence, lgbt, People of Color, self care, self-love
Posted Under | Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, & Queer Concerns, People of Color, Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »

January 19th, 2015

Some of your illusions seeped into you before you learned to talk. Others sneaked into you later, while you were busy figuring out how to become yourself. Eventually, you even made conscious choices to adopt certain illusions because they provided you with comfort and consolation.

Tags: hope, self care, self-love, therapy
Posted Under | Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »

December 3rd, 2014

“I’m kind of embarrassed.  I think I’m just going through a mid-life crisis.”  I’ve heard these words, or something similar to them, from many clients of a certain age. Shaming stereotypes of an older man running off with a younger woman in his brand new convertible run rampant…and make it more difficult for some people to talk about this stage of life.

Tags: change, hope, self-love
Posted Under | Depression, Anxiety & Stress, Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »

October 29th, 2014

I might find myself in tears. I wrote these words to a friend recently, anticipating a hurtful experience with someone I know. I was poking fun at myself, making fun of my propensity to cry, a trait I am at times proud of and at other times would rather not have.

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Tags: Anxiety & Stress, Depression, Anxiety & Stress, hope, loneliness, psychotherapy, sadness, self-love, therapy
Posted Under | Depression, Anxiety & Stress, Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »

April 23rd, 2014

I was recently reading a blog in which the author – a mother of a young boy – was bragging that her son is “all boy” – meaning he is rough and tumble and plays with trucks, guns, and GI Joes. I found this offensive. What about the boys who like Barbies and arts and crafts are sensitive? Are they not complete boys? Are they somehow deficient? Would she be less pleased with him. It seems strange to me that we are still playing into gender stereotypes about masculinity in men and boys.

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Tags: gender identity, masculinity, men, transgender
Posted Under | Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, & Queer Concerns, Therapy & Counseling | No Comments »