Archive for the ‘Relationships, Couples, Polyamory, Kink & Sexuality’ Category

Body Parts and Sex – Overcoming Dysphoria

October 3rd, 2014

Gender TherapySex should be fun, sensual, erotic, hot, connecting. Highlight the word should. But it’s not this way for some people. Specifically, it is sometimes not comfortable for some transgender and gender non-conforming people. One of the main culprits is discomfort with what are supposed to be sexy body parts.  But if these body parts – or at least the mainstream names for them – don’t align with your gender identity, then sex becomes less than fun.  However, I recently attended a workshop, by a fantastic presenter – S. Bear Bergman – that helped us all reimagine trans sexuality.

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Sex, STIs, & Being Clean

May 14th, 2014

A clean bill of health. Those are words most of us like to hear from the doc following a visit. There’s nothing wrong with feeling healthy. But this saying has morphed into a stigmatizing way of viewing STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections). If you spend anytime on dating and hook up sites, you’ll see some people write that they’re “clean” and they’re hoping that you’re “clean” too…clean being a euphemism for not having an STI. The implication is that if you have an STI, you are dirty. It sounds awful. And dehumanizing.

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Be You!

February 10th, 2014

Trying to be authentic in this world can be hard. We feel pressured to conform…even by such simple questions as “How are you doing today?” – which we often answer with a pasted on smile and the word “Fine”. Some of us work in jobs we hate, fearful of what it would mean, what people would think, and how we would get by, if we changed careers. People in their 40’s and 50’s realize that they have much they still want to do, contemplate making changes, but don’t make them because they’re fearful that they will be seen as going through a “mid-life crisis” – a patronizing, and simplistic concept. Others are fearful to express their sexuality whether it is a same-sex attraction or a BDSM desire. And some present themselves as a gender that they know they really aren’t. Of course, the list goes on; I’m sure you could add your own ways in which you feel coerced  into “fitting in.” 

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In the middle lies anxiety

December 31st, 2013

I learn a lot from yoga.  I learn what my mind says I can’t do.  And what my body actually can do.  I learn that a regular physical practice keeps me grounded, or at least not as crazed as I am without it.  I also learn a few things that inform my therapy.

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My partner’s a porn addict!

November 13th, 2013

That’s not an unusual statement to hear these days.  Whether it’s a celebrity discussing his porn addiction, or a partner of someone identifying as a sex addict – you have probably heard about this “epidemic.”

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We Never Have Sex Anymore!

May 21st, 2013

I’ve heard that statement many times from clients.  In fact, it’s not an uncommon complaint in the therapy room.  And it can be a difficult problem for people in relationships to tackle.  There’s often a hidden storage of fear, embarrassment, anger, and resentment keeping people from having the sex life they desire.

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Morally Straight?

September 18th, 2012

moralsI recently read an article about the Boy Scouts of America’s continued determination to keep gay men and adolescents from participating in the organization. The leadership uses the argument that being gay is not “morally straight.” The concept of morality and sexual orientation is an interesting one. And in my work as a therapist, I’ve learned that morality is certainly subjective.

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Inviting Salt & Pepa into the Bedroom

May 28th, 2012

Sex TherapyIs your sex life not what it used to be?  Would you like it to be more than it has been?  Are there things you want to try but haven’t?  What can you do about it?

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Beyond Monogamy

April 27th, 2012

poly friendly therapistFrom a recent article in the New York Times Magazine to a column in The Advocate, the idea of non-exclusive sex in committed relationships has been receiving a lot of attention.  This idea may make you cringe.  Or it might be “old news” as far as you’re concerned.  In either case, the idea that committed couple relationships can take many forms is can be a huge relief for some people.

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The Movie “Like Crazy” – A lesson in tolerating your emotions

November 30th, 2011

Couples TherapyHave you seen the movie “Like Crazy” – a film about two young lovers who keep attempting to have a relationship with each other, even when it seems in vain?  It’s not an unusual story.  In fact, the couple’s experience is very human.  As a therapist, I found some very useful lessons in it.  But first:  Spoiler alter!  Don’t read on if you don’t want to know the storyline…

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