About Me…
October 19th, 2008
As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LICSW) located in Dupont Circle, Washington, DC, I provide compassionate and affirming psychotherapy for individuals, couples, families and adolescents. I have specialized experience helping people who do not feel like they fit in – those who’ve been marginalized or dismissed based on their identities or experiences…“The White House is lit up like a gay pride flag!”
July 27th, 2015
It was the night of the Supreme Court decision on marriage equality. I was at dinner with some friends and things were winding down. It was late, almost midnight, and I quickly checked Facebook and saw what seemed unbelievable. The White House was bathed in the six colors of the gay pride flag. I shouted out, “The White House is lit up like a gay pride flag!” I decided that I had to see it in person, so I rode my bike to the White House, arriving at 12:30 am.
Sexing the Trans Man
July 18th, 2015
Having good sex can increase a trans person’s comfort with their body. This is the message Buck Angel and I attempted to impart to over 150 sex educators, counselors, and therapists at the annual AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists) conference in Minneapolis this past June. At our workshop “Sexing the Trans Man,” attendees were excited to learn about the connections between gender identity, body dysphoria, and sexual expression as well as the opportunity to dispel some myths about transgender men. We showed one of Buck’s docu-porns to help attendees hear from actual transgender men as well as see what transgender sex actually looks like. (Hint – it doesn’t look much different than cisgender sex.) as well as see the diversity of transmasculine bodies.The major myth we attempted to dispel is that trans men hate their bodies.
Keeping Things Light
May 28th, 2015
“I like to keep things light.” This is what a boyfriend – let’s call him Rahim – recently told a friend of mine – let’s call her Sharon. Rahim said this in the face of major crises, including a life or death situation for a loved one. Sharon told me about the inherent dichotomy in what her boyfriend is saying versus what he is experiencing. And how stating that he keeps things light is actually an avoidance strategy that is not honest, nor is it ultimately helpful. Rahim was sleeping poorly, had stomach aches, and generally felt miserable. So much for keeping things light.
Fear? Or Intuition?
May 7th, 2015
“Trust your intuition.” We’ve all been told this. It’s nice to be able to trust yourself and your internal compass. However, a yoga teacher recently reminded me that trusting your intuition isn’t always that straightforward.
Relationship Lessons from a Pro-Domme
March 31st, 2015
If your Master or Mistress asks you to tell you what’s on your mind…you tell them, says a Pro-Domme (professional dominatrix) in a workshop for people in Dom/sub relationships. She was reminding everyone about why they contracted to be with their partner and how to continue in a healthy way. It’s actually pretty straightforward advice if you’re the submissive in a Master/slave, Daddy/Boy, or any other kind of Dom/sub relationship. You entered in to this relationship with the understanding that you do as you’re told. In fact, being clear about expectations and direct communication are hallmarks of many D/s relationships. However, this advice is not exclusive to these kinds of agreements. It can be helpful to all.
Sojourner’s Truth
March 20th, 2015
I’m not man enough, says one trans male client. I question my masculinity, says another cis male client. Am I as much of a woman as a cis woman?, asks a trans female client. Why doesn’t my life matter?, asks an African American cis male client. Questions like these pop up with much regularity in my work. People questioning their authenticity because cultural “norms” and life experiences make them feel out of place, invalidated, and just plain crappy about themselves.
Your Illusions
January 19th, 2015
Some of your illusions seeped into you before you learned to talk. Others sneaked into you later, while you were busy figuring out how to become yourself. Eventually, you even made conscious choices to adopt certain illusions because they provided you with comfort and consolation.
The Power of Speaking Up
January 8th, 2015
What do you do when you hear racist, transphobic, sexist or otherwise offensive comments? What does it feel like when you don’t speak up? Do you justify your actions and then feel uncomfortable with that justification? Do you fear coming off as rude or socially unacceptable. Do you fear offending the person who has offended you…or making others uncomfortable.
The Genius of BDSM
December 20th, 2014
“When I’m with her, she’s in control. I agree to do whatever she says. I trust that she’s got my interests at heart.” Such sentiments have been expressed to me by men and women when talking about their experiences with their Mistress, Master, Dom, Domme, or whatever term they use to describe the top in their Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship or sexual scene.
The Mid-Life Re-Evaluation (aka mid-life crisis)
December 3rd, 2014
“I’m kind of embarrassed. I think I’m just going through a mid-life crisis.” I’ve heard these words, or something similar to them, from many clients of a certain age. Shaming stereotypes of an older man running off with a younger woman in his brand new convertible run rampant…and make it more difficult for some people to talk about this stage of life.
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